Mental health concerns are on the rise in the United States, and kids are feeling the pressure. According to JAMA Pediatrics, diagnoses of anxiety and depression among children ages 6 to 17 have risen by 30% in recent years, increasing significantly since 2020.
About one out of every three high schoolers who participated in the Centers for Disease Control Youth Risk Behavior Survey reported feeling so “sad or hopeless almost every day for two or more weeks in a row” that they had stopped their usual activities. And 60% of kids ages 12 to 17 who suffer from a major depressive episode don’t receive any mental health treatment, according to Mental Health America.
What’s most concerning is that the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry reports suicide is the second leading cause of death in 10- to 14-year-olds.
What’s to blame for the mental health crisis in young people? Is it bullying or social media’s unrealistic expectations? Or the COVID pandemic, which left many students feeling isolated? World events, life transitions, bullying, peer interactions and academic pressures can all play a role in a child’s overall well-being. Consider how you can address mental health concerns with your child during Mental Health Awareness Month in May.
Signs of Concern
With so much stress, what’s the best approach for parents? Two local mental health professionals (who are also moms) agree that being actively present is a step in the right direction.
Are you seeing signs of concern in your child? “Ask yourself, ‘Is the stress in context with the situation?’” says Rachael Ananian, a licensed marriage and family therapist and Certified Eating Disorder Specialist who owns the private practice Nurtured Resilience in Irwin. “Anything that’s impacting your child’s day-to-day functions may be a concern.”
“Stress and anxiety are normal,” adds Laura Manko, a mental health therapist in Jeannette. “But when those feelings start interfering with friends, school and everyday life, it’s a sign they may need support.”
Manko works with adolescents and adults at Seyler-Berkebile Marriage & Family Therapy and has 19 years of experience as a school counselor. She advises parents to look for emotional signs in your child — such as persistent sadness, outbursts and increased anxiety — as well as behavioral signs like grades slipping or withdrawal from activities.
“One small change isn’t a concern, but several changes lasting weeks should be taken seriously,” Manko says.
Physical symptoms — such as excessive headaches, stomachaches or changes in eating habits — can also be a cause for concern. Those changes can also be hormonal; Manko recommends seeing your child’s pediatrician to rule out any medical concerns.
It’s All About Relationships
“All people want to be witnessed and heard, and kids can get lost in the family setting,” Ananian says. “Kids need a good blend of love, law and order and affection. That’s how they get a sense of belonging within a family.”
Ananian is passionate about helping new parents with the transition into parenthood and is currently working toward her Perinatal Mental Health Certification (PMH-C).
Kids aren’t “bad,” she stresses. They are simply looking for ways to communicate. They want to be seen and have their needs met, just like adults.
Manko adds to not be judgmental or dismissive. “When kids feel heard, they’ll continue to talk,” she says. Talking with your kid shouldn’t be an interview. Casually ask questions while you’re involved in low-stress activities, like playing basketball, making dinner or while in the car. “This is when kids can open up more easily,” Manko says. “It takes the pressure off and conversations can happen naturally.”
Time Management
Being a school counselor for almost two decades, Manko has seen tons of students who struggled to manage school and homework, time with friends and family, activities and part-time jobs. “Kids are trying to do too much,” she says. “Teens especially need to set healthy boundaries and learn to say no.” Manko recommends that kids make lists and use a calendar to help stay organized.
Whether the pressure comes from their school, parents or themselves, young people have a lot of academic and environmental stress. “In high school and college students, I see a lot of perfectionism, overachieving and pressure on young people,” she adds.
Ananian suggests breaking large tasks down into smaller components. If your teen is anxious about learning to drive, take it one step at a time. Does your daughter need paperwork completed? Help her fill out the forms. Is your son stressed about parallel parking? Take him for a drive.
Creating a Safe Space
For younger kids, Manko recommends using coping skills like breathing techniques. For anxious moments or panic attacks, try the ABC method: Name things that start with each letter of the alphabet. For older kids, use the 5-4-3-2-1 method: Name five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell and one you can taste. Using your senses or objects around you helps to put your child in the present. “It’s going from chaos to calm,” says Manko.
It can be hard for parents with older children. When kids become teenagers, you are doing more “mentoring” and less “parenting.” For older kids, ask if they feel they can talk to you, Ananian suggests. “Ask yourself, ‘What’s the relationship I have with my child or would like to have, and how can I make that happen?’” she explains.
Manko adds, “Kids need to know they have someone on their side who is willing to listen and support them through the hard moments.”
Words of Wisdom
Normalize and model empathy. “That sounds scary!”
Label your feelings. “I’m sad right now because …”
Take an interest in your child’s hobbies. Be active, attentive and available.
Ask yourself, “How can I model good responses to stress?”
Ask yourself, “How can I regulate my own emotions?”
Parents tend to be either overemotional or dismissive; kids will respond to how you come across.
Both therapists agree: Talk less, listen more! Ask your child, “Do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen?”
Good News for Parents: We’re Human
What if you make a mistake? Apologize and acknowledge that you wish you would have responded differently to a situation. In terms of regulating feelings, as a parent we’re not always going to get it right. “The good news is that parenting gives you plenty of opportunities to try again,” Ananian says. “It’s how we repair our relationship with
our kids that also makes a really big impact.”
