Top 5 things that children want to know about parents’ divorce
Most parents initiating a divorce ask the same question, “What will we tell our children, and how will we explain it to them?” As a result, parents feel insecure in front of their children, afraid of the impact of the upcoming divorce on their future. These experiences are often accompanied by fear, guilt, sadness, and anger. But considering that many children have divorced parents, there are specific tips about parents, children, and divorce to help adults deal with this situation.
Moreover, parents want to save their children from the emotional pain brought by divorce and do not want their children to consider mom or dad the reason for the family break up. So let’s look at the top 5 things about divorce kids’ health to consider. So how to deal with divorce and children? The main hints are below.
1. Open conversation
It is necessary to talk with the child – openly, taking into account their age, level of development, personality, and temperament. One should not, for example, overload a five-year-old child with details about the behavior and actions of the father. But a teenager will probably want to know more about the nature of the relationship and discord between parents.
Information coming from adults should not be different and should provide help for children of divorce. This way, you save the kids from having to pick sides between two differing versions. And everyone needs to talk – both mom and dad. So it would be ideal for parents to inform their children of their decision together.
2. Open emotions
When parents divorce, the child must understand how they feel. Such an approach will allow the child to understand the cause-and-effect in relationships and, in the future, not to have problems with self-expression. Parents, understanding the impact of divorce on the psychophysical health of the child, should resolve issues peacefully – without resorting to squabbles and lengthy litigations. Thus, they preserve the mental health of their children.
It is necessary to inform the child about the upcoming divorce before this unpleasant event occurs. Give the child the opportunity to talk about this topic not once but as much as needed. The child should be able to ask the parents any questions and tell them about the feelings that overwhelm them. The goal of parents is to help the child deal with it.
3. Remove guilt
If the divorce was necessary for parents, it could be a welcome change for children of divorced parents. It would be much harder for the children to constantly be exposed to a toxic atmosphere between adults, living under the same roof that doesn’t function like a true family. A house with constant tension, endless conflicts, scandals, and violence can undoubtedly make the child feel unhappy.
But, on the other hand, even the most justified divorce can be a severe shock. It is essential to explain to the child that they are not the reason for the divorce and that the divorce is the decision of two adults. You may need to consult a psychologist who will give medical advice and provide supportive information for divorcing families.
4. Draw up an engagement plan
To a child, the family is the most reliable thing they have. So when it breaks up, they must find new support in the changed living condition. Parents should constantly be helping kids cope with divorce.
Spend time and effort to give clear divorce facts for kids. And fulfilling promises is essential. If the child is supposed to meet with the dad every weekend, but it does not happen, the child will feel confused. The child’s trust in the world and future relationships largely depends on whether they can rely on the dearest people in this challenging period of life.
Parents often tell their children that everything will be better after a divorce and everything will work out. Unfortunately, the improvement does not come as quickly as the child expects. As a result, the child feels confused. It is much better to prepare the child for difficulties in advance. Say that it will be tough, but parents will always be there to help.
5. Mom and dad love the child – It’s forever
Parents take care of the baby even after the divorce. After the divorce, mom and dad should try to behave the same way as before, taking care of and having fun with the child. If, for example, the father does not want to know about the baby after the divorce but only pays alimony, it will be tough for the son or daughter to survive such changes. In such a situation, the separation with a child will create a feeling of guilt or worthlessness, which is very dangerous for self-esteem. How to go about a divorce with a child? It is essential for mom and dad, even after a divorce, to continue to love their child and show this love even more than before.
Summing up
Remember that parents’ divorce has a significant impact on the children. Therefore, whatever the relationship between mother and father after the breakup, the child should not suffer. It is always the responsibility of the parents to be a good example for their child on how to deal with this crisis. Of course, the questions about divorce and children are always individual, but the guide above is a universal solution for all cases.
Natalie Maximets is a certified life transformation coach at OnlineDivorce.com. She has expertise in mindfulness and sustainability. She is a published author focused on the most progressive solutions in the field of psychology. Natalie helps people go through fundamental life challenges, such as divorce, and build an entirely new life by reframing their personal narrative.
By Natalie Maximets
