“Don’t tell your kids to say thank you this Thanksgiving” and other “do’s and don'ts"
The holiday season, more specifically Thanksgiving, is all about giving thanks. Surrounded by family and loved ones with a huge feast at the table, the tradition is all about being aware of thankfulness. Every Thanksgiving, parents teach their children the importance of acknowledging such thankfulness, encouraging them to speak up on what they are thankful for. However, Mary O’Donahue disagrees with this tradition, believing that gratitude should be encouraged throughout the entire year and not just on Thanksgiving. Mary provides us with some new, fun and interesting tips on making the most out of your Thanksgiving for you, your children, and your family guests.
- Don’t: Have each guest at the table say what they’re thankful for while the food sits in front of them getting cold! Take a moment to pray together as a family, or have one person say a few words of gratitude, and then invite everyone to start enjoying the delicious feast while it’s still hot.
Do: Purchase a small poster board (14”x22”) so your kids can create a “Thanksgiving Gratitude Board” and display it where everyone can see. Put out colorful markers and ask each guest to write down what they’re grateful for. (Make sure they sign and date their comments.) Bring it out every year. Or buy an inexpensive journal and make it your family’s Gratitude Book. Have guests add to it every Thanksgiving for a beautiful record of your family’s gratitude.
- Don’t: Prompt your children to say thank you whether they mean it or not – even at Thanksgiving. Especially at Thanksgiving!
Do: Help your kids make the connection between being grateful and saying thank you by focusing on the importance of making a “match” between what they’re feeling and how to express it. Let them know that each part is important – both the feeling and the words, and one without the other simply isn’t as powerful.
- Don’t: Talk about politics, religion, or Aunt Bertha’s gallbladder surgery at the dinner table this year.
Do: Start a new tradition. Create a “Gratitude Circle” where everyone at the table says something positive about the person sitting to their left. For example, “I’m thankful for Aunt Katie because of her cheerful personality. She always has a way of lifting me up when I’m down.” This way of expressing gratitude can be especially powerful for children, who might not always notice the intangible gifts they receive from their family – gifts like compassion, humor, companionship, and love.
- Don’t: Let Thanksgiving be the only day of the year your family focuses on gratitude.
- Do: Practice gratitude every day with your family. Put up a dry erase board in a hallway in your home and encourage everyone to write down what they’re grateful for every night before bed. Or display a decorative box in your kitchen and label it a “Thanks for No-thing Box.” Fill it with small pieces of paper and a few pens, so everyone in the family can write mini thank you notes for those intangible things you give each other on a daily basis. Once a week at dinner open the box and read the notes out loud. This will help ensure that the blessings of Thanksgiving will stay with your family throughout the year.
For more information and tips on expressing gratitude, please visit http://www.maryodonohue.com and read her book When You Say Thank You, Mean It.
More on Mary O’ Donahue: Mary O'Donohue, a working mother, developed a unique month-by-month program that she and her husband use to successfully educate their children about the twelve values her family holds most dear. She wrote the book When You Say Thank You, Mean It as a solution for parents to the ongoing problem of lack of manners and gratitude in their children. The book creatively engages the entire family using weekly exercises, thought-provoking Questions of the Day, challenging role-playing games, and other fun and family-friendly activities. Mary also plans to donate at least 10 percent of her author’s net profits to charities benefiting families and education. She balances being a mom with a long career in television production and has worked for ABC, CBS, and NBC network stations, on shows such as “Today” and “Meet The Press,” as well as on numerous music and entertainment programs including “MTV Unplugged,” “Mariah Carey at St. John the Divine Cathedral,” and “An Opryland Christmas;” and on many talk shows including “The Oprah Winfrey Show.”
Mary O’Donohue and her husband Jim have been married for fifteen years and have two children, Connor and Grace. She’s an avid traveler, having spent time in Ireland, England, Wales, France, Germany, Italy, Mexico, and China. Mary loves to read and has a passion for photography.